Tragedy's At Hand

 

And thou I'd like to stand by him, it's never to become. 

.....for I am not the one.

Mom-ish.

 curi from my @xdrug *follow his tweets, tweeps* :)


At 3 yrs "Mommy, I love you". At 10 yrs "Mom whatever". At 16 "My Mom is so annoying. This is the DAY youre starting to ruin my life!". At 18 "I wanna leave this house". At 25 yrs "Mom, you were right". At 30 yrs "I wanna go to Mom's house". At 50 yrs "I don't wanna lose my Mom". At 70 yrs "I would give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me". You only have 1 Mom. Appreciate & love your Mom no matter if she is here or not. ♥♥♥

Can never ever live without my Mom.
Mom, you helped me getting thru almost every single curves, corners and bits of my life.
Yes Mom, thank you for everything.
Love you, Mom!

I said, "No!"

No. I wont let you control my fate. Will never let you. While im holding the weight of the world on my conscience.

No. I wont just sit here and wait while you weighing your options. Your making a fool of me.

No.You didn't dare to try and say you don't care. And solemnly swear not to follow me there.
No. It aint like me to beg on my knees or, "Please, oh baby please...". That's not how am doing things.

Yes, you should know.
No, am not upset, no am not angry. I know love is love and love sometimes, it doesn't pays me. Most of the time love pains me.
No. I'm never without you, I'll always be with you. You'll never forget me, am keeping you with me

No. I wont let you take me to the end of my row, to the end of my world, to the end of my life. Or keep burning and torching my soul.
No, am not your puppet. And positively NO, I wont let you go off of me.

Hooked.

Always and forever I respected your decision, your opinion, your ideas. Anything that came out from your soft, pink lips, I put into my consideration list. And as for this time... I just cant believe you said that. You want me to be "sederhana". What is that supposed to mean. I know. I know who I am. As Mom always taught, and told me before, she is proud of who I am, happy to see me being me. And how on Earth did you think you can say that. What am I to you? All along. When we first met? What were you thinking? Actually.. wait wait. What you actually thought about me? You said I didnt change a bit since before, but now... Are you saying you want me to change? You want me to be not me? Are you looking for another person? Are you trying to say that you positively think that you're with the wrong person? I.. I.. I.. I dont know what else to say. You left me speechless. And of course, you made me think. When you said that, it's like you underestimating me and seems that you ... how am I going to put this nicely.. you dont know me at all..? I think. Idk. Gosh. Maybe I think too much. Idk. This voice out version of yours one, I'll think about it. Still make my kepala pusing so much that I cant even sleep at night. Am not saying am not 'sederhana' or not being one. I am, but in my own way. And of course, I do believe that people cant guarantee they are 'sederhana' themselves except certified from people surrounding them or others are talking about it, right? Idk. There are so much more of life I should learn about. But as for now, my study case for you of mine.. just turn me upside down. But still, my love for you have never change. It's just a pause button just been pressed deep down in my core.

*hwugs and of course, lots of kishes*
mmmuachs.

p/s: dont get me wrong. am not mad. am just ... saying.

the call

i just hung up a call from my beloved Mom
Ohh gawsh I missed her so much.
when i miss Mom, tears falling over my cheeks
and i feel good about that
i dont know why.
still, i dont know whether am heading back this end of Oct or not
for my cousin's engagement.
if i cant get my day-off, i supposed i wont be in kelantan for that.
tapi nanti tak best la.
hurm...
speaking of missing Mom.
when i miss my mom, i tend to do few things
things that mom love to do
though those arent my fav's but for mom, i buat
like, erm....
whenever i miss mom, i eat.
i eat her favourite food or snacks tha she loved.
they are apam balik, fresh timun betik in coconut milk with sugar,
kaya waffle.
i also drink.
i had her favourite drinks.
like winter melon tea which is the best.
mom loves winter melon tea so bad that am willing to have it just because i missed her and it reminds me so much of her.
i also gonna crave for len chee kang.
mom suke sangat len chee kang, sampai there's this one time mom buat homemade len chee kang so that all of us boleh enjoy the len chee kang as musch as we could.
im so not a big fan of sweet desserts and kaya, but when it comes to Mom...
i jadi macam crazy about it.
and as today i missed Mom, kat kiosk Halimah tadi I grabbed a winter melon tea and i told salsya that i miss Mom so bad tonight.
And as Mom called, I rase huge relief to hear her voice and i told her about me missing her and my habits when am having those phase and she had this tiny laugh and whispered, "it's okay kakak.u mmg like this.dulu klau everytime u rindu i je u called and weep like a baby sambil cakap ngan i."
gawsh Mom, i mmg rindu u sgt2.
May Allah always filled your day with happiness, joy and His blessed on you Mom.
I love you,Mom.

TTYL
*hwugs and kishes*

Now that you're gone.

the day he took you away from me. you're my scar that can never be closed. even dr mellissa cried that day baby. ohh how we love you so bad baby. and i can never stop missing you. just so you know, mel, sha and manap was there to see you for the last time. mel can't help himself from tears, baby. you know how much he loves to play with you right. dear zul can't be there for the last time baby, cause he's working. but he's the one that found you on the G floor, right. which at that time mommy cant stand watching filled with silence. all shots are taken by manap's iPhone. mommy hopes that you rest in peace baby. and always remember that mommy loves you dearly.

x x x x

.beck.

Baby. Philly.

it was supposed to be a blessed friday.
we were supposed to be happy.
getting ready to head home to cheras.
you were supposed to get your groom that day.
and on that day,
we were supposed to see dr mell with our sweetest smile.
we were supposed to get you the new costume from bali.
you were suppose to be sprayed with that fragrant pet cologne.
and we were supposed to get you married.
i am supposed to have a great chat with dr mell.
talking about you, baby.
all nice things about you.
laughing and giggling.
i am supposed to cuddle you until we reach cheras.
i am supposed to let you run and wandering all over the vet clinic.
you were supposed to play along with kikapoo and other cats there.

but it was the day.
it was that day.
the day that i didnt realize.
that you'll be taken away from me.
i never realize it.
until that day just came.
on that particular friday.
which,
 it was supposed to be a blessed friday.
he took you away from me.

i am so not happy at all.
tears all over my face.
flowing on my both cheeks.
cant stop flowing, even for a sec.
i dont want to get back to cheras without you.
i refuse to do almost everything.
all i wanna do at that time is,
i wanted to spend all my time that left with you.
but i didnt know that the time is too short.
that i didnt realize it was going to be the day you left me, baby.
you didnt get the grooming sesh as planned.
we rushed to dr mell, not with our sweetest smile.
but with tears, pain and misery.
as i drove you to the vet, i contacted dr mell as many ways as i could.
text, email, yahoo massenger, calls.
am sorry cause i knocked dr mell's door that hard.
so hard that i freaked her out.
all because of you baby.
i cant accept that costume from bali.
i cant smell that fragrant pet cologne.
i cant see you got married.
i cant have that great chit chats with dr mell about you.
i cuddled nothing until i reach cheras.
i cant see you playing with kikapoo and the other cats in the vet.
no more.
because baby,
coz youre gone now.
youre no longer with me.
you left me with no words.
all that i have now is your toys, your litter box,
your scoops, your cage, your travelling cage etc.
i gave out your kibbles to the strays.
tears falling again.
mommy misses you baby.

it's not that i don't wanna tell ya

im sorry.
for not telling ya.
our friendship is not to be trade with.
am not pushing you away.
i didnt meant to do all these.
none of them that happened is planned.
i know ure upset for what ive done.
but please.
please do understand me.
i dont have that much time to reach you.
it occurred so fast.
so fast that i couldnt tell you at the right time.
i hope u understand on what am i trying to say here.
and again.
i am so very truly sorry.

gone.

Rahmatullah.

*Now Playing on iTunes : I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls*

This entry.
For you two.
Yes you two out there.
Whom i care about so much.Very.
I hate this part, where i can feel tears running down your fluff cheek.
I know you miss him so much.
He's long gone now.
But missing him each and every day,can't be stopped.
I know you two such good daughter and son.
It's okay to cry sometimes.
Father's Day had passed two days ago.
Don't ever feel bad to yourself as you're no longer have him with you now.
Please be strong guys.
I love you both so so much.
And I just can't take you tears like this.
Be strong dear, as strong as the inner you.
I know you're stronger on the inside, and i want you to show it.
Bare this one.
Keep yourself holding together.
You got me here.
Am never gonna leave you. Ever.
So do him. He never left you.
Because He's always on your side.
Trust me.
In every single thing you do, imagine that he's watching over you.
Make him proud and happy for what you're doing in your everyday life.
Never stop praying for his sanctity on the other side of the world.
There's nothing better for Arwah than his beloved children's prayer.
May he rest in peace.
Al-Fatihah.

(T.T) huk3.

suddenly.

out of the blue.

i miss my sidekick.

it's been a while havent seen him.

bbm, fb chat, ym, tweeting.

still, am missing my sidekick.

(T_____T)

SCRABBLE night number TWO!

...again.
with SCRABBLE-ing.
empowering our vocabs.
derr...
ngaha!
It was supposed to be between Najmi,Laila and I.
but,at the nick of time,Najmi was like super blurred to build a word.
so,along came Ayah to help him.
And guess what,Ayah came up with his hi-level vocab.
urghh.
i was like..mono to myself
"Duuh. Ayah. C'mon. I was like lowering my vocab level for the sake of Najmi."
As Ayah representing Najmi, he interpreted all kind of skills he had in SCRABBLE-ing.
DANG IT!
Ended up, Ayah as Najmi(half time) won.
And me.
Urghh, lost with no dignity at all.
This is so unfair.
Will get back to them and re-SCRABBLE-ing again soon.
You'll see.
Shots during the game are as below.
T________T

slipped!

i know im wrong.

am very sorry for what ive done.

i know it hurt u.

hurt u a lot.

but u hv to understand me.

understand on why i did that.

u said i was being irresponsible.

i lied.

i ddnt say what am i supposed to say at that time.

again.

am sorry for what i did.

i ddnt mean to.

the last thing that i would do,is to break your heart.

pls be deep.

dig deep so that u can see what am trying to do here.

i know u hurt.

it hurt u so much that u cant even think about it.

i wont do it again. ever.

u can count on me.

pls.

i dont wanna be torn.

i know when i heard about that again,

i can tell how upset are u on me.

once again.

im so very truly sorry.

...last night

the ARRIVAL.
aaaaaaargh.
miss me?
i know right.
KL,im back!
momma's home and she brought happiness and joy along with here.
hihi.
i missed Philly like hillbilly hell.
i hugged her till her eyes almost popped out.
*sorry,honey* hehe XD
okay this is about last night,alright.
things happened.
---shits happened.
both happened as we ddnt expect the exact time,place or particular day.
they just happened.
poops,suddenly it was there.
ooey gooey stinks!
idk.i cant think much.they just bother me to madness.
you know what.
i had a great dream last night.
i was actually just a regular dream,got lame storyline etc etc.
but what makes the dream irregular is..
---i met hot guys.
super cute.
extra salty.
:-L  *drooling*
no such wetty thingy alright *duuuh~*
i was like woke up in smile and..
there was this one incident that i saw
my youngest brothers almost been belit by a huge python.
that one was right before i met those super salty,extra cute fellas tu.
aah,what a night.
anyway,really glad to be back.
starting this Friday till Sunday i got this kursus kepimpinan.
so malas,but what to do.
cant join onichi for family that cause of that.
aih.
im very truly sorry everyone.
as for this great companion of mine,am sorry too
--for everything.
i know u and i dnt really judge people.
but i do know how far i can judge u.
ure moar than i expected.
im jealous of how nice and smart and how kind you are.
so really glad to be one of your friend.

Have a Joyful Thurs y'all!
xmuahx

i dont take things for granted

im sorry
so very truly sorry
if you realized that there are  wrongdoings that ive done
i know im no good
ya know
i am very sorry
er...er..
o k a y
*im down*

am not in a happy mode

been left home alone by mom and baba.
well,actually not really alone.
am a caretaker for my two younger brothers,hanif and iqbal.
have to cook.
have to do all the homeworks.
have to online.
have to monitor them doing online exercises.
have to feed those kitteh.
have to scoop all the poops.
have to do all the laundry.
have to do the dishes.
.......and im in the middle of my menstruation
urghhhh...!
tension.stressed.
im tired.super exhausted.
wanna hang out pun,no moood at all.
sometimes getting bored.
gotta see my taylor again.
there a few more kain that need to be jahit.
last night,been raining.
heavy pouring with all the lightning and thunder
am so scared huk3..
i need mom,my closet and it did blacked out.
3times plak tuh.
definitely wanna test my inner strength.
but am so glad and grateful to Allah as i got a friend..
..such friend that willing to accompany me even thru the line
keeping me calm and made me feel secured.
*cz am too scared of the dark*
gile terrified.
the windows are quivering and trembling.
the lights went out.
it's dark outside and on the inside.
thank Allah,my younger brother called me from the other rooms
and decide to sleep in my room.
*relieved*

anyway,t'shere a new song just came up at Radio Disney.
u shld google it.
c0z it's a song for me.
the pain by Menstruation.
*bhaahaha.jk.dnt google it.im just joking*
am actually..yea
tgh tahan sakit ni. >.< it huuuurts!!!
mom,baba..
pls come back soon.

last night i called salsya.
and i called love.
who had been pretty annoying.
and turned into a scum-douche for a bout few hours.
asking me silly Qs.
talking non-sense.
that's annoying man and im sick here.
pls do consider and understand my situation.
i dont wnna bad things came up when im like this.
coz i was tired,and when im tired i got angry.
and when im angry i can be super annoying.
--not just to u,but to almost everyone.

you left me speechless

it's about a friend of mine
my girlfriend
aaaaarghh.
she made a confession
to a guy that she had a crush on
*klau salah,buzz me*---empunya badan ek XD
so,when i read the whole entry she posted
i can say nothing
dear,you left me speechless
u made the confession and uve been rejected
but i think that's the best
and im so proud of you caused you had...
you had the guts to to to do that
im so proud of u and so happy that u did it
there's no single person,Malay girl to be exact
had that kind of strength that u have dear
i wanna put my comment on your entry
but i just couldnt
im sorry for not doing so
but i believe u understand me right
i love u and--
and there's this phrase that been whispered to me each and every single day lately
by a good friend of mine
"love yourself"
i know i,myself am not good on doing so
but,i believe that u can do it
i try hard each and everyday to love my very own self
there are plenty of fish out there
you just dont have to give up and never stop trying
im wanna thanked the GUY cause he ddnt hurt you and appreciated the special feelings
that u had towards him
but maybe you guys arent meant to be
nah,let's just forget about it and hope u enjoy your holiday dear
i know u'll be reading this
u should know that i love u and i do care about u
xmuahx
 

my 20 pieces word blogging project

this is so simple.
am going to start posting entries that consist maximum 20 words long only.
going to start posting beginning with the next entry.
..not including this one.
so,i know that it is so going to be very boring.
but,
lately...
i kinda lack of ideas to post long entries.
do not even know why.

i miss us

do you still remember.
the day that u whining and pushing me to get u a getaway to PD.
then kakak get to book Corus,our favourite hotel.
it's Corus Paradise
we stayed there.
we bought Bohemian dresses.
we bought tights.
it was and impromptu trip.
but we nailed it.
we had so much fun.
u know kakak love u infinitely.
and kakak still have faith that u love me.
and misses our family so bad.
pls come home soon dear baby sister. 

almost 2weeks

uve been gone baby sister
i dnt know how are you doing
u ddnt reply any of kakak's messages
each and every second i wonder, what are you doing?
hv u had your daily meals?
what are you wearing?
have u had your coffee today?
are u sick?
are u okay?
it's been almost two weeks
and...
kakak still be waiting for u to be home
...we all waited for u
and we'll look out for you
we need you to be back home with us.
miss u,baby sister

it's your song

Dear Syakirah,


last night,kakak started watching The Vampire Diaries series.
as kakak watched the 1st episode,Pilot
...i heard  the sound of your song
the song that Ilah asked kakak to hear last month
it was The Management MGMT's Control Yourself
it reminds me of you
how Ilah love the song so much
owh Allah,kakak miss u so much..please protect my baby sister
Pls be home soon.
we can watch this series together.
kakak will be waiting for you